


The Disir

by sonichallows



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Light Angst, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:55:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21900025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonichallows/pseuds/sonichallows
Summary: That one scene in 5x05 The Disir, except we hear what they're both thinking.
Kudos: 8





	The Disir

**Author's Note:**

> I just. I have so many thoughts about this scene. Upon reading this again it's pretty unclear lmao, my apologies. I think I just needed to write it or I'd combust, you know?

“How did you know this place was sacred?” Strange… no, strange is wrong. Suspicious? It's not out of place that Merlin sensed it was a sacred place. Not unusual. It makes an odd kind of sense that he knew. He always... well, he has superstitions. but how often does he turn out to be wrong? Merlin always acts in ways that are true to his beliefs. But how does he always know?

“Well, that’s obvious.”

I want to... Merlin, I know you, but not all of you. “Pretend it isn’t.”

“Everything here is so full of life. Every tree, every leaf. Every insect. It’s as if the world is vibrating. As if everything is much more than itself.” This is who I am.

“You feel all that?” It isn’t insignificant. I just don’t understand. I don't know how to feel this, too.

“Don’t you?” That is who you are. We are not the same, Arthur. “What will you do?”

“I don’t know. My heart says do anything I can to save Mordred. But I have seen what misery unfettered sorcery brings. Before my father outlawed magic, Camelot was almost destroyed by sorcery. In my own time, Morgana has used it for nothing but evil. What would you do? In my place?” Please, help me. Guide me. I need-

“Me? I’m just a lackey, a maker of beds.” You won’t like who I am. I can’t… I cannot do this for you. Don’t put this decision on me. I will not survive making it.

“Lackeys can be wise. It is not like you to be silent.” Don’t hide, not this time. You never hesitate to share your counsel. Why now? Why now, when I trust your judgement?

“A kingdom’s future is at stake.” Don’t make me do this.

“And a man’s life.” I need… You are always by my side and I cannot make this decision alone. Stay where I can reach you.

“You must protect Camelot.” It is your duty. And I must protect you. Listen to your heart. Listen to all I’ve said in the past. Perhaps you did not then, but please remember now. “You must protect the world you have spent your life building – a just and fair kingdom for all.” Be who you truly are. Make the right choice. For me.

“You would have me sacrifice a friend?” Why do you hide?

“I would have you become the king you are destined to be.” Don’t make me-

“If I do save Mordred, all my father’s work will be for nothing.” But he almost killed Gwen. He almost killed you. “Sorcery will reign once more in Camelot. Is that what you’d want?” Is it the key to you? “Perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren’t as evil as we thought.” It’s okay, Merlin. “So, what should we do? Accept magic? Or let Mordred die?” I’ll still…

You offer all I could ever hope for and in this moment of all moments I cannot accept it. Arthur, you are everything. This decision is not possible. But I will make it. For you.


End file.
